If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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