I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
