margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
