He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Randomize
