I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Randomize