I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Randomize
