i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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