shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize