Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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