Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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