so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
