Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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