billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Randomize
