friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
