you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
He shit in the fireplace
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
