i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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