love makes seman taste better
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
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