Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
