Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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