Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Randomize