she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
