Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize
