I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
