yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
