It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
