I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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