last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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