I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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