just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
