im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
