wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
