We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
