Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Randomize
