Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
love makes seman taste better
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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