My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
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