I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
God I need to hump something, right now.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
