Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
