I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
