I can't watch pbs sober anymore
wakey wakey hands off snakey
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I'm getting married
To pizza
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
