I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
