At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
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