He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
