I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
