She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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