She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
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