apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
