What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
