Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
