Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
