Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize
