the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
