we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
