There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
barbara walters just said penis...
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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