Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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