so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
