very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize