I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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