If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
