Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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