before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
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