wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Randomize