He is such a slut. More and more my type.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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