Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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