In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
