I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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