I think I am morally bankrupt
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
