does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
