Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
