I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
