if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
