i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
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