id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
My life is pants optional.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
