Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
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