just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
