so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
