she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Randomize
