We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
