Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
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