Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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