Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
