The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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