yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Randomize
